a love that wont let go

wow, ok, so God must be shaping me for something useful. Whenever it seems like im near the end of my rope, God surprises me with something miraculous that stops me frozen and in these moments im reminded how close He is and how much He must love me, and how for some reason He sees me as special and worth His time. I'm ashamed to say that these moments have been occuring too often. dont hear me wrong, its amazing and exciting that God lets us see Him work, and i dont want to miss any, but the fact that ive had a lot of, "oh yeah God, im stupid, there You are, faithful as always, and ive yucked things up again" moments is the sad part. and hear lately, well, ive been a pretty poopy Christian, and i'd like to apologize to all you I have short-changed. You're deserve much more from me than i've given you. ok, so on to the God is indescribable part.
and im not gonna describe Him, just tell little glimpse stories that i've had.
last wed/thursday were two pretty rough days. after lunch, i met with my advisor to register and talk about winter classes, life, majors, futures, that kind of stuff. i told him that right now seminary isn't really in the picture, but i haven't thrown it in the creek either. so, he suggested i swing by the UC at school between 1-3 to see the seminary displays and just get exposed. after the meeting, i did a couple things, and then it was nearly 1 and i thought, well, i really dont want to talk to people i dont know, but it would be cool to just walk through, see what is there, and hopefully get free pens and chocolate candy and talk with a student friend or two. so i walked in, and there at the first table was one of my life heros- Casey Callahan, one of my high school youth ministers. he was at the richmond seminary table (he goes there now). we were both in shock at first, im sure others laughed, but at that moment, there were no others in the room as far as i was concerned. Wow, i couldn't believe it. it's still hard to believe it was more than a dream. we talked for a little while, and it was good. then i emailed kristen before class so she could go see him.

Then today, well, ive been studying most of the day except for an AM walmart run and watching the 2nd half of the Furman game with Jon and Taylor, but yeah. i mean, studying is one of those things that must be done. and, i've been reading a lot about cubans, mexicans, and centroamericanos in spanish, and actually its been quite interesting. but everyone knows how easily it is to get lonely when studying for a long time, and my brain wanders and i start thinking. which isn't always good after a bad week. so anyway, here comes the God is great, God is good part- We discussed ways that God speaks to us in EVM, but we left one way off the list- Away Messages. yeah, everyone knows away messages, and everyone knows that when you dont know what else to do, or want to see if others are having a fun time, you read away messages.
this evening, one of my friends wrote that he has pretty much had a terrible weekend, not that anyone cares, but he just wanted to put it out there - thats what he said
man, i found it hard to believe that this guy could feel this way, he has tons of friends and people who care about him
also, i talked with another friend who thinks he is much less than he really is

first of all, God helped me realize that im not the only one, other people like me deal with these struggles. other people that i know well hurt and doubt themselves, so goodness i need to stop moping and help boost them up and see their value. how selfish of me
also, i started to think that since these two incredible guys feel this way about themselves, and obviously they are missing some good things in and around them, then maybe its possible that i am too

and the last thing, the one that just drove me to write this blog because i had to share it,
as i was reading a book and writing my thoughts and prayers after it, my book hit something on my computer that made a mystery away message come up. this screenname has been on my computer for a long time, but i dont know who it is. as i read the message, i knew it was 114% a God thing: "Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless. Don't forget a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.---part of a speech by Bryan Dyson, CEO of Coca-Cola Inc. from 1259-1994"

Wow. can you imagine what it'd be like to serve a god that you couldn't tell was real? How undeserving i am to be a child of the real God who loves, who is patient, who runs with us, walks with us, dances with us, holds us, and carries us. How great is that love? No one can fathom

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." - Psalm 62:1&2

"One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard; that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving." - Psalm 62:11&12
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